Wednesday, March 28
Random Ramblings in cooperation with "Becoming a Better Writer"
A quick "disclosure"...this post is an assignment for the "31 Days to Becoming a Better Writer" challenge I've been participating in. The assignment..."Write a stream of consciousness post". What that means for those of you who are not writers or former English majors, is that you literally start writing down everything thing that comes to your mind for a given period of time...one thought, to the next, to the next, no matter how disjointed they may seem...
Here we go...
Here I am sitting at Starbucks and feeling overwhelmed. I'm afraid to confess how much I've taken on in the last two months in the way of freelance and volunteer projects because those of you who know me best (my sister, my mother, my mentor) are FOREVER warning me to not take so much on...to simplify my life....I can hear them all now...Eyes raised, stern faced..."Lisa!"
That's all they need to say...I know what that means.
Alas, I've done it again. I get overwhelmed because I take too much on and then I listen to the advice of the wise sages in my life and calm it all down for a while...kind of like being in the stormy seas and letting Jesus calm the winds by listening to my spirit and my closest human friends (Jesus with skin on as the writer Mary Karr likes to say), but then I get...bored....I have pockets of FREE time in my life (the very thing I'm longing for right now!) and I start to FILL them.
Oh the creative, distracted mind of a momma who likes to live life to the fullest, but in her heart of hearts wants to create the most loving, stable, insightful, and engaging life for her children...and is sometimes afraid she is failing.
In my mind failure means....that my house is TRASHED right now...clothes everywhere, dirty and clean, plastic bowls and sippy cups cascading out of my cupboards every time I open them, a mud room stacked high with winter boots, gloves, scarves AND flip flops, sunscreen and bubbles because the weather is having a bit of an identity crises here in Buffalo this week.
And this is all after having my house cleaned last week (my sister cleans houses part-time...we call her in every 3 weeks or so...that's a whole other post all together!!!).
It begins to equate to failure because I fear things are not as settled and stable and structured as I believe they should be for my kids and husband.
Don't get me wrong...I'm not a perfectionist. You will NEVER find me on my knees cleaning my floorboards with a toothbrush or dusting trinkets on shelves compulsively. No way. I have WAY too many books to read, and people to see, and parks to visit and foods to try for THAT.
But sometimes I do feel like it is my job to find a good balance for our family, to actually have time to clean the house and pick things up, to feel a little bit organized for longer than three days...
...that's the stuff that is a challenge for me. That is where I feel like I'm getting a D+ at best some days.
However, here is what I KNOW and what I rest my tired, anxious head on when I get to this place...
God created me-- wonderfully, crazy, chaotic me. He knew who I would marry, and the children He would bless me with, and how I would pine and scratch and kick to find time to write even though I'm a full time stay a home mom who feels like the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz at the end of many days ("If I only had a brain!").
He KNEW all of that...He even knew I would agree to more than I should have...right now...today, on March 28th. And He is here with me in it all, nudging, teaching me lessons and helping me work through this crazy life of ours....
And so I turn to gratitude, because it's the only antidote for ATTITUDE...(hehe...I like when words rhyme!)...
I'm eternally grateful for a God who knows me WAY better than I know myself, for children who make me laugh every day, for a husband who is full of SO much grace for his crazy wife, for the sunshine, for friends, for my mom and my sister and the mentors in my life who keep reminding me not to take on more than I'm meant to.
And that's that!
Thanks for weeding through that with me!
Feel free to leave your best pieces of advice too.