Anyone else in the same boat?
I'm also in a crabby mothering rut lately. Maybe the two are related- the chaos and the crabbiness. Whatever it is, I don't like it, but I haven't seemed to be able to shake it off.
Here is a little sneak peak into the afternoon to explain what I mean. I decided to take the girls to a park earlier this afternoon. It is a beautiful day and I thought they would enjoy running around and then we would stop and grab a couple of sandwiches from Tim Hortons on the way home for lunch.
The thing is, it is NOT easy to take Ava and Ella anywhere together lately. Ava still needs a lot of attention and when I'm paying attention to Ava, Ella seems to find herself in a lot of trouble. She climbs things she shouldn't be climbing and runs away towards places she shouldn't be running. Back and forth, back and forth I go. All...Day...Long.
There were no major incidents at the park, it's just that Ava is getting more creative in climbing things and wanted my help a couple of times and at one point Ella climbed all the way up to the top of this slide, slid down and then fell face forward into a big mound of wood chips.
Two minutes later she was up the stairs again, I was going to help her down, but was playing with Ava momentarily and she threw herself forward and slid down on her stomach, which she did not like either.
Over to help her again.
We did find a nice happy groove on a set of swings for a while. I pushed the girls (secretly not wanting Ava to grow up too fast, but also wishing she could swing herself!) and tickled them, which they thought was very funny.
Then it was time to go...I told the Ava she could go down the slide one more time, not anticipating she was going to hit her head on the bar at the top of the slide just before she went down sending her into a trail of tears.
I got both girls in the car, Ava had settled down from the bump on the head but was now whining that she needed to pee and did not feel well. Ella was whining because she was hungry.
I have decided that parents of small children should also be allowed two distinct privledges, 1.) they should be allowed a handicap parking sticker that allows them to park in one of the 400 handicap spaces at Wal-Mart (and other stores) instead of having to hunt around and then drag your kids through a parking lot from a far away parking spot and 2.) (this is the one we needed today!) We should all be given a siren we can put on the top of our cars (like volunteer fire fighters use) for emergency situations like when little ones have to pee and they are whining about it from the back seat.
I found myself wanting to stick my head out the side of my window and scream like a crazy lady, "Don't you slow drivers all realize I have a 3 year old in the back seat of this car who needs to PEEEEEE! MOVE OUT OF MY WAY!"
So, by the time we got home, my aptitude for patience was shot...again...Ugh.
Scott got one of those phone calls.
"Hey, where are you?" I asked.
"Sitting in a parking lot going through some mail and paperwork."
"Must be nice to sit in a quiet car BY YOURSELF and go through paperwork."
"Yeah, Lis, it's part of my job."
"Well I don't like my job right now. I feel like I'm spinning in chaotic circles all day long putting out fires! Are everyone's kids like this? I feel like I was not created to manage this."
(and then I started going into a random tirade about all of the miscellaneous stuff that seems to find itself strewn about our house....)
"And why is there so much crap everywhere? Why is there a random napkin, and a bottle and a toothbrush on the floor? Why is there one shoe by the staircase and memory cards dumped all over the living room? Why is Ava's jacket laying in the backyard and one sock laying in the mudroom? Why? Why? Why? I bend over 7,200 times a day picking up random crap!"
(Yes. It was another shining moment on my behalf. I sometimes fear that by sharing all of this some of you may want to bow out of friendship with me!)
I went on.
"Ella is driving me nuts. If she is not climbing on something she is pulling something out of a cabinet or drawer. She doesn't eat anything and she throws her food all over the place when she does."
The guilt started to creep in at this point and calmed me down a bit. Anytime I get really crabby and start to complain about the girls I have a guttural guilt response that reminds me that life could be MUCH more difficult. Things I don't even want to name: disabilities, illnesses, job losses, a husband who doesn't care, or who is required to spend months at a time on duty overseas.
I apologized to Scott twenty minutes later while we were both sitting at the hand me down Little Tikes picnic table in the backyard eating sandwiches.
"Sorry honey. I'm done. I don't know why I do that. It's like I have these little mini temper tantrums."
A safe response on his behalf.
He helped out by putting Ella down for her nap 1/2 an hour later and I put Ava down and then took a nap myself.
The only thing I can pinpoint my impatience on lately is a dwindling amount of quiet and free time on my part. The girls have been waking up earlier in the morning because it is so bright. At least one of them is up by 7 lately (they were sleeping to 7:30 and sometimes later and I was praying and reading in the morning) and because it's so light at night it seems that our evening activities have been leading to a later bedtime, like sometimes after 9.
This leaves little time for a mommy or daddy to do things they like to do, need to do or even spend time together for that matter.
I asked Scott this morning why it seemed like some women make this all seem so easy. They seem to be managing and not so frustrated and even enjoying the process much more than I do.
"Come on Lis, that's not totally true," he said. "Think about your friends--which one's seem to be managing better than you all the time? I think you are part of the reality...that woman you're talking about doesn't exist."
I'm not completely convinced he is right. In my head, every day, I feel like there are women out there whose children behave better, who are more patient, who are making their children healthy meals three times a day and cleaning the kitchen and keeping their house picked up and finding time to volunteer for ministries and read books and garden and shop and that they are balancing and managing it all gracefully and well.
I'd like to be that woman. Does she exist?
Well, anyway...I managed to take a few pictures of what I'm calling the physical manifestations of the random acts of chaos around our house...the stuff that all day long just seems to appear, out of nowhere on floors and other places...mostly not by my doing! This was a quick run around the house before naptime...
My favorite, by far, is this plunger I found on our bedroom floor!
Would love to hear about the random acts of chaos in your house...and I would love to be jealous if you are the woman who is balancing motherhood quite well...really, please, please, PLEASE leave tips if you could!