"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me." Psalm 51:10
Do you ever have one of those nights, or mornings, when you wake up for whatever reason (a crying teething baby, for example) and cannot, no matter what, get back to sleep? You start mulling things you are frustrated about, or anxious about, or angry about...That was me this morning. Ella woke up around 4:45 a.m. quite upset...after 25 minutes, some rocking and a bottle administered by hubby, she finally fell back to sleep. But I didn't.
Christmas is next week, and despite my attempts at really trying to focus on the presence of Jesus and his arrival on earth, I'm flustered because we are trying to figure out family schedules, and who will see who when, and how complicated it gets and how I feel like it's hard to find the downtime I desire to focus on what is really important. I know I am not alone. I think many families find themselves in their own version of this very struggle during holidays, and especially at Christmas. I think because our lives are SO hectic with the craziness of taking care of our wonderful little girlies, that I start to feel really, really selfish about my time.
So...anyways...The verse above, Psalm 51 is one that I often recite to myself, especially when I am feeling frustrated and very far from who I really want to be as a person. I'm reminding myself that Christmas is a season of giving, and not just monetarily, or materially, but of our time and our energies as well. When I look at it this way, that our time spent with others is a gift that we give, it softens my heart a bit.
"Create in me a clean heart..." For me this is a prayer to help remove the frustration, and selfishness. Sometimes it's a prayer to help remove anger, or bitterness. Whatever is in your heart that is making you less than who you want to be...sometimes I have to pray it over, and over and over again.
"And renew a right spirit within me..." This offers hope...hope for renewal and restoration to a place of peace and balance within my spirit. David wrote this Psalm after an adulterous affair that ended up in the death of his adulterers husband. When I think about how far away from God he must have been feeling at that moment, and his obvious faith that God would restore his heart regardless of where it had been, I realize that God really does want to meet us where we are and help us get back to where we should be.
Isn't that what Christmas is really about after all? God sending his son, to meet us in this world, to help restore us back to the people that we ought to be.
So, wherever your heart is today, if it is less than you want it to be, God can take it and reshape it, you just have to ask.